Friday, 16 September 2016
It has tips on loosing weight safely, my weight loss journey and using biology to debunk the bullshit! Would be awesome if you could check it out.
Saturday, 10 September 2016
Just to sum up this month to show you why I am so broke:
-£50 for phone bill
-£25 for biology text books
-£25 for sociology textbooks
-£30 for clothes (yes it was a necessary expense including work shoes and trust me, I buy as cheap as possible)
-£100 for driving lessons
-Money for lunch. Oh wait, I couldn't afford it.
Lets add this up shall we? So I'm loaded, right?
Bank balance: -£160
If I'm so rich why am I so badly broke?
To cover costs I've had to embarrassingly grovel to teachers for help with textbooks, get my mum to pay for driving lessons and borrow money for clothes. Now who's so rich?
And for those who think i can just go to my parents can I remind you that they don't work. My mum is disabled and my dad's her carer. There is no money so please don't talk to me about money. It is a sore point and never accuse me of lying about how much money I have. In case you missed, I can't even afford to get lunch when I'm at work or school. Welcome to the reality of my life.
Tuesday, 6 September 2016
Sorry I've not been very active but it's a good thing. I'm getting better and doing really well. I'm back at school and going into year 13, my last ye before university with any luck so I have a lot of work to do. I need to do the impossible and bring my grades up by a minimum of a grade preferably 2 so its going to be a long year! Hoping to do a longer post soon but everything is up in the air at the moment so can't give a date.
Tuesday, 30 August 2016
I did a whole research project on it for my EPQ (the equivalent of the first year of A levels) so I know what I'm talking about it and seeing as 1 in 4 people are suffering with mental health problems this is serious shit that needs to be addressed.
- Depression and sadness are the same
- "But you don't look sick!"
- It's a sign of weakness
- It's all in your head
- Real men don't get depression
- Self harm is for attention seekers
- Self harm leads to suicide
Things really are looking up right now. I'm one week panic attack free and 2 weeks self harm free. That may not seem big to someone who doesn't suffer with depression but to anyone who is or has been in my position you'll know that a big deal! Things really are looking up and I owe it all to a couple of my friends who have taken to snapchatting me every day to make me laugh. I really don't deserve them! They're the best!
Thursday, 25 August 2016
It's such a cliché when it comes to mental health that you're a different person on your own but its true. I break down and cry because it's the only time I get to. I put on a mask during the day and when I'm in bed I can take that mask off and all those thoughts I've had to block out or ignore come flooding back and often it leaves me numb. Imagine each thought was a person and they're all rushing to get through the door at the same time. They are just going to get stuck and that's when you feel numb. This is without a doubt the worst part. You feel like crap but you don't know why.
Then comes the onslaught. One frees itself unblocking the door and all of these thoughts just come flooding in. That's the point where you loose it. Floods of tears and when you need someone you can trust the most.
This is why you need someone you really trust. Someone you can take off the mask in front of a bit. Someone who isn't family and may not even be a friend as such. You just need to let the cracks show for a bit so you can deal with everything rationally. Don't go it alone.
Wednesday, 24 August 2016
I've changed a lot and I needed a way to show it and... Well... This has done the trick! Dyed my hair BRIGHT pink! Like really pink! I love it! I wasn't going to go this pink but I left my hairdresser in charge and it looks lush. It's for you, Charlie! 💖
Tuesday, 23 August 2016
Thank you everyone for your ongoing support! You can't do this alone, I've tried and failed many times.
Monday, 22 August 2016
Wednesday, 17 August 2016
Anyway, I just wanted to say good luck to everyone and I hope you all do awesome and try to chill. Just think, whats done is done. Your results are already in that envelope and by the time you've got them your teachers and universities and everything will already have seen it so there is no point stressing about what you can't change.
Also, I would like to say it is still perfectly fine to be a bit anxious and I'd be worried if you weren't because that means you're either a really cocky shit or you couldn't give a rats arse and seeing as neither of those are me we shall stress together! Try and get some sleep, chill and have a nice breakfast. Treat yourself! It will help you unwind. Personally the idea of a bacon butty is sounding pretty damned good if I can get the money together!
Hope you all do well and if this is the end and you're off to uni or wherever I hope you get your top choice. Let me know where you get in! I'm a nosy little fucker! (Plus still choosing my options if there are any uni's out there that want to pitch their marine or human biology course to me again!)
GOOD LUCK GUYS!
Tuesday, 16 August 2016
I'm just going to keep telling myself this and eventually I'll believe it. A friend told me yesterday you can't recover without relapses. It's hard to admit but it's true. It's okay to feel like shit because atleast you're feeling. That's the first step.
It will all be okay in the end.
The way you feel is just temporary.
Monday, 15 August 2016
I'm struggling. I really am. I have nowhere to turn and last night I turned to self harm again and that is not somewhere I want to go again. I feel useless and lonely and everything has become a trigger and I just break down and cry at everything. Tomorrow is the 5th anniversary of my Uncle's death and it stings like a bitch. Like he was taken yesterday. He wasn't even sick so I never had a chance to say goodbye. He just left. He had a heart attack and drowned. Not a nice way to go and not the way a great man like him deserved to go.
Okay, thanks. That fees a bit better now. Still feel like shit but I don't fee like I'm hiding from everyone anymore.
Sunday, 14 August 2016
Saturday, 13 August 2016
If you try to cope on your own there is a very good chance it will get worse or you'll do something which could hurt you or someone around you.
If you have the wrong person you can't say what you feel and there is also the likelihood that they will put a foot in it and say something they shouldn't have.
Like I said at the start, you might not always be with the people you trust the most. I'm not going to lie, there is a place where I don't feel like I trust anyone enough so have a phone at the ready. Have a list of people you can call. Someone will pick up. It's not the best but it's better than talking to someone you don't want to talk to. Speak to the wrong person and say the wrong thing and it will come around to bite you on the ass and hard. I learnt that the hard way!
I do try not to complain about my illnesses and you should be pretty honoured if I do because there are very few people I trust enough to talk about it with but sometimes I do just need to vent. We all do. Don't be ashamed to break down and cry when it gets tough. Don't be ashamed to say it's getting too much and don't listen when people say you shouldn't or that you're fine. If that's how you feel then it's okay to feel that way and the only way to change that is to accept it and go from there.
Friday, 12 August 2016
- I will be brutally honest! I'm not going to spare a detail as there is no point. If you're going to know you need to know the whole story.
- I will swear. Look at the topic. This blog isn't going to be 'family friendly'! This is a blog for me to vent and say how I feel and also to give tips and advice not for a child to scroll through when they are bored.
- All hate will be blocked with immediate effect. No second chances. I'm used to the hate and I've learned to handle it but a. I shouldn't have to and b. its upsetting for everyone and we just don't want to see it.
- I never use names. Everything I say is 100% truthful so I never use names (or if I really have to I use fake ones) to protect those involved.