Behind Closed Doors

It's such a cliché when it comes to mental health that you're a different person on your own but its true.  I break down and cry because it's the only time I get to.  I put on a mask during the day and when I'm in bed I can take that mask off and all those thoughts I've had to block out or ignore come flooding back and often it leaves me numb.  Imagine each thought was a person and they're all rushing to get through the door at the same time.  They are just going to get stuck and that's when you feel numb.  This is without a doubt the worst part. You feel like crap but you don't know why. 
Then comes the onslaught. One frees itself unblocking the door and all of these thoughts just come flooding in.  That's the point where you loose it.  Floods of tears and when you need someone you can trust the most.
This is why you need someone you really trust.  Someone you can take off the mask in front of a bit.  Someone who isn't family and may not even be a friend as such.  You just need to let the cracks show for a bit so you can deal with everything rationally. Don't go it alone.